Courage and Writing

So I haven’t written a BLOG post in a while as it was starting to feel more like a job than a fun hobby.

I needed to take a step back and honestly evaluate why I was writing.

Did I want to become popular with an online community??

Did I just want to verbally spew?

Did I need to get a message out–something weighing on my heart? 

Did I want to BLOG it better???

Everyone and their mother has a BLOG these days, a beautiful example of our generations willingness to be open and honest. We bare our hearts and I am so proud of all the truth tellers having the courage to bare their souls in a healthy way– through writing.

However, why was it that I felt if everyone else was doing it, I shouldn’t?

Maybe it’s the rebel in me, the one who hates convention. I’ve felt deep satisfaction for not being like everyone else, although I sheepishly admit, you’d never know it. Outwardly, I look just like everyone else, but I’ve always felt like my insides were gold. If only people could see it. (I imagine I am not alone in this feeling.)

Golden insides aside, I didn’t want to be another girl with a BLOG, whose friends got tired of her rants or whose rants ended up to be just like every other lifestyle bloggers rants (and even raves). I didn’t want my words to be wasted or even worse, I didn’t want my work to be just a few words divergent (or less worthy than) Sally Sue’s. Again, the side of me that hates convention.

I got over my moment of narcissism and asked myself not why I shouldn’t write, but why I should.

Not even should, but why I desire to.

It’s nice to be liked. It’s nice to be validated and praised. It’s nice to have a community out there to support you and say “me too.” For some, it may be nice to support yourself or your family with your writing.

But that’s not, if I reach deep, why I started to write.

I started to write because I had something to say. I’m a clumsy talker and writing was my way to express my soul.

I write because I needed to express my heart in healthier ways.

I write because sometimes we need to sit in pain and struggle, so that someday it will lessen and move through us.

I write to show perspective, but mostly, to find my own.

I write to be my own best friend. (Yea, she knows the real me.)

I write to be brave, to let the real me show, to put it out there, especially when I want to hide it.

The community is a bonus, as I’m sure for some, getting paid is too. All those things, we “get” from writing are the fruits of our labors, but if we write for something other than ourselves, we’ll lose steam. When we write for ourselves it becomes a service to others– if we come from a place of truth.

I find now, when I write, I feel humbled before my topic and recognize that this topic picked me, inspiration picked me, and I can do with it what I will. If the energies around a subject move me, then I consider it a blessing to be able to write about it.

Whatever your reason be, own it.

Write on friends, and be blessed!

XxO!