The “Donut” Issue…

Did you know sugar triggers the same dopamine receptors in the brain that cocaine does?

Yikes… right? What a powerful example the role  food can play on our psyche. Food sustains us; it gives us energy, yet we use it like drug because –it is just like a drug!

Diets fail –not because of the diet but because of our relationship to food.

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I often times make poor food choices. In these moments my resolve is weak, because I’m feeling weak, anxious or unsafe  and what the chosen food can do for me in that moment seems to be more important than anything else. Sometimes it’s the distraction itself, but what we don’t realize is that when we focal point on something to the point of obsession, it’s a scapegoat for something else.

If you’re skeptical, notice your reaction when you’ve expected to have something and this “something” doesn’t show up.

Commit to taking a eating habit away.

No dessert after dinner???

No morning coffee?

No cheese… EVER.. again?

Name your vice –we all have one, unless of course you’ve got mad skills! You’ll likely feel some resistance when your vice is pried from your hungry grip. This however, points us to where the real magic lies, but let’s rewind for a bit.

As humans, we are continuously weighing what means more to us in the moment.

Instant gratification and safety in that delicious donut or self-control?

It’s obvious in stressful moments which one we choose.

What is true is that the majority of us know deep in our guts how we really feel about that damn donut.

Yes!!– we enjoy every last crumb of that tasty, scrumptious donut for as long as it takes to scarf it down. Then, a minute or so after a quiet euphoria will ensue. Such a carnal satisfaction: the sugar high. It’s similar to the moment after a big sit down dinner when all members of a big family get quiet; food coma has settled in. A beautiful, yet ephemeral experience.

But then…We want more; and more, and then maybe– just a little bit more.

If we indulge in more –and more, we feel bloated, tired, irritable and guilty.

Aye-yi-yi!!! Is it worth it? Sometimes yes, but mostly no.

So we weigh options, and re-weigh options. This is just as it should be, always a continual flux. This is the way of life; the way of human nature.

My personal dilemma is the all-pervasive Cup-of-Joe. I love my coffee in the morning or afternoon. I love it with lots of creamer, preferably flavored.

It makes me oh-so-happy!!!

However, because I know myself and my body, I know that caffeine is usually not a good choice for me. It doesn’t make me particularly ill, but I do feel mild jitters, wakefulness and then a resulting ‘lay on the floor and I  could sleep forever feeling.’ Minus the upset belly and the diuretic effect, my afternoon cup of joy (joy!! Haha, that was a typo but I think I’ll leave it) wouldn’t sooo bad? Right?  

I still drink coffee –even though I know it might not serve me all so well.  It makes me happy in that particular moment and I even look forward to it. Get this… I even procrastinate drinking my cup-o-joe until later in the day so I can have something to look forward to.

Mind tricks, I tell ya!

We all play these game with ourselves, although some do so unconsciously. I proceed in this way with full awareness of my motives and I don’t lie to myself or rationalize (ok, maybe a little).

Once aware, you can’t really trick yourself anymore.

Having my coffee as I like it is my choice, my very own benefits outweigh the risks kind of thing, because honestly some days I’m just not strong enough to choose better.

And there it is. The important part. The surrender.  

Instead of beating myself up I give myself some grace. Ok fine, I still beat myself up but I’m often consciously trying to give myself some freakin’ grace. This is NOT, “F*$k it, I’ll try again tomorrow” (denial) because when tomorrow arrives we are stacked against an endless pile of more tomorrows.

But yes, surrender and grace. Grace and surrender. HUGE.

Some days life gets busy and I don’t hyper focus on food (or coffee) and –imagine this, sometimes I just plain forget to eat (people with multiple small children will understand). Please, friends, spare me of the judgmental “urgg, like..who forgets to eat??” It doesn’t happen often but happen –it does!

Inversely, some people willingly keep themselves so busy they, quite literally, have no time to eat. They stay soooo busy, in existential fear that with any available time, they will eat their first born child.

If this is you, stop it, right now. Face your food and face your fear, you’re stronger than you know.

The time is now my friends, to contemplate with intention what we truly value. Health and well being is a good place to start. With the awareness of why we choose and what we choose, the real work comes in forgoing the magic diets and crazy substituted recipes and understanding why we eat what we eat.

I’d say half the time it’s to boost your spirits, check out, distract ourselves in the “donut issue” instead of looking at far more deeper issues. I’ve been known to spend hours of my evening, trying to find the perfect recipe, which I’ll have you know is; wheat, dairy, and sugar-free –just something to quench my sweet tooth. NOW.

In these unconscious frenzies, I have an aching suspicion that my precious time is being plundered; wasted in mindless obsessing, when I could be playing with my kids or any other life-giving activities which are beyond the fixation of getting my sugar craving quenched.

It is only when we make a value based decision, coming from a strength planted in our own set of values will this behavior change.

Put yourself to the test and stay self-aware.

Say, for instance, you desperately want that cookie, chocolate bar, or entire loaf of bread; It’s is taking all your willpower to say NO. You waffle…. all night.

But then you cave, even if just a little.

And this happens most the time to some degree. So defeating and mentally exhausting, is it not?

But one day something will happen.

You will make a decision and say, I absolutely will not eat _____(name your poison). This decision will come from a deep sense of “I want to feel STRONG now and even stronger AND healthier later.”

And you will know –YOU WILL KNOW, that something in you has changed, because the waffling will stop and a new sort of feeling will arise. It will replace the want because it has always been behind the food in the first place.

It could show up as anger…

“Whyyy does life have to be so hard and whyyy do cookies have to be delicious AND unhealthy?”

You may feel sad or believe that life is so boring without that ice cream or cake. “Life just isn’t worth living if I can’t have these simple joys!!”

Helplessness may arise…

“I’m not strong enough to do this every night, to say NO every night, to feel like this.. every. single. night.”

And what a slap in the face it is to know that what we are currently feeling is extremely similar –if not the same– to the guilt and shame we experience when we “donut cave” and have not exerted our willpower.

Sometimes though, we find that something shifts.

Not always… but sometimes we see something emerging in the distance. Something beyond our present need or craving. When we let go of our want, give it up, accept it, hunker down, surrender the battle, relent into the moment, we effectively O p e n- Up.

In that opening we can see, we can feel something new. We see our need and craving for what it truly is.

A distraction from ourselves.

Food is so much easier to stress about than things of the soul. We instinctively know that food dramas are fixable (with that magical diet we’ll start tomorrow) than stresses and callings of the soul. The soul stuff is the stuff we must listen to.

Often, we don’t want to listen because we already know or have a hunch what our heart has to say.

It’s easier to face food than it is to face ourselves.

What your soul says to you in those quiet moments of wanting is so very personal. I don’t know what your soul will say to you precious one, but when I wasn’t  stuffing or obsessing I’ve had some illuminating revelations.

I’ve noticed, I wasn’t hungry, just tired and needed rest.

Sometimes emotional stress was wearing me down, I needed time and space, or maybe a bath.

Maybe exercise or self-care has fallen by the wayside; maybe you’ve been stricken with fear about some big move you must make in your life; maybe a relationship is suffering and needs tended to.

Whatever your reason for checking out or ordering in, I pray you find peace from incessant self talk and negotiations.

May your heart –your life –shift from something resembling enslavement from some external thing into something so free and expansive that you can only ever… and truly, enjoy your food as a beautiful compliment to, as Mary Oliver would say, “your one wild and precious life.”

Insatiably yours,

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