Okay. . .
Maybe not all that scary but when it comes to blindness, well, today is the last day I get to quibble about my blindness.
It may also be the last day I ever see again.
Hopefully, it is the last day I ever have to wear my contact lenses and/or glasses. I’ve been nearsighted for most my life and tomorrow I’m being blessed to have the corrective eye surgery, PRK (photorefractive keratectomy).
I’ve been procuring reminisceful and futuristic thoughts today…the final day of blurry vision.
Yipee!!
No more nightly contact routine or wasting a good 15 minutes every morning trying (and failing) to get an unforeseen fleck off my contact. The above quandary can progress into quite the fiasco, typically ending in a “hands up, I surrender,” then using an unused contact which always results in an uneven number of contacts lenses. Now –I’m in a pinch, with two left eye contacts in both eyes (I have different prescriptions for each eye) which I then have to wear till I order a new set.
Contacts, God love them’ but they are a pain.
But Alas!! Tomorrow, I will get part of my cornea shaven off (pffff –no biggie), my eye reshaped (I’m told you can smell the burning of your eyeball from the laser) and after a bit of recovery time, I’ll be seein’ all by myself –no contacts required.
Which leads me back to today…
In the very anthropomorphic way of releasing and letting go, I’m allowing myself a brief period to feel appreciation and excitement for what’s to come and a salutation to what was and never will be again.
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I permitted myself a lament for the incredible nearsighted person that I was.
I believe odes, farewells, valedictions and what-have-yous are incredibly important. They help us to properly acknowledge our past while being open to a changing future.Tweet
In my own lament, I felt tremendous gratitude for the contact lenses that granted me sight in such a complicated but beautiful world. I felt grateful I was able to do things, most basic but necessary things –without an after thought. I was grateful for the pretty, swanky spectacles that I was able to afford when contacts weren’t an option, or when my eyes needed a breather.
Most humbly and with no better way to say it… I was grateful for sight. The gift of SIGHT!
>>>pause for reflection <<<
In my Farewell homage, I had thoughts of what it would be like if I’d never had the gift of sight or– heaven forbid –if I was one of those one in a million cases where surgery went wrong.
I thought of my babies faces; and felt my imperfect eyes well up with gratitude tears.
I thought that even if I was –that unlucky –to never see my son’s youthful faces grow to maturation, I was forever blessed with the memory of their pure, wholesome and playful countenances.
I also wondered what things would look like after years of change–if surgery-gone-awry…
since vision would be forever suspended as a memory.
What. A. Concept.
I couldn’t help but wonder if my nearest and dearest would feed me organic food, help clothe and bathe me, help me get around. Quite simply and maybe be a bit melodramatically, I wondered if I would be left with anyone at all?
With sobering thoughts like these I was overcome with humbling gratitude for all the autonomy I’ve enjoyed.
Surgery will likely go well, but like all serious things, they make us appreciate what we take for granted. Like being able to take care of ourselves; cook for our children; read a good book; cognize contagious joy or heartbreaking pain on a loved one’s face. And well, I could go on a lot longer about the incredible, yet so tenderly obscure aspects of vision, but I’ll make this short.
Cheers! – to what my vision was and what it soon will be.
It all was and still is… looking so beautiful…incredibly beautiful to me.Tweet
I hope you remember in this moment something delightful you saw today with your precious sight. I’m looking long and hard at my baby’s chubby face and my 3-year-olds tender, mirthful smile… lest I forget or memory fades.
If I never see a thing again, I should still feel pretty damn lucky.
Forever and Always,
Update!!
It’s been about three weeks since the surgery and I think it is now safe to say it was a…drumroll…
Success!
A bit wild, exhilarating actually, but the surgery itself only takes a couple of minutes and in retrospect I’m glad I didn’t know all the ins-and-outs of the surgery before taking the leap. You can smell your eye burning. Yuck!
Discomfort for the first few day was expected and not all that fun but guess what…
I can SEE!!!
I still have moments of disbelief that I’m capable of seeing without contacts and it is so RAD. Nighttime routine is noticeable easier; so is stumbling to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Hands down though, the best post surgery faux pas moment was when I left my 3D movie theater glasses on for a good hour after a seeing a flick with my son. Doh!
Old habits die hard, obviously.
Anyways, I hope everyone is seeing and living well and if you ever consider having Eye surgery don’t hesitate to ask for more gruesome details!
Just kidding.
See ya’ll laters,
T
A poet and didn’t even know it. I read the entire writing. Every single word and loved it. Tiera the talanted writer. Sending good vibes your way for your surgery.
Thank you Diana! XoXo!!